If I owned a Lamborghini, or maybe just a Miata, I’d move to Luray, Virginia, and make the drive to Elk Springs Resort and Fly Shop every day.  I’ve never seen a prettier road. We were in a rental Mitsubishi SUV and it was still fun, in a brittle,  “I hope we don’t scream at each other at the next switchback,” sort-of-way.

That map app is lying about the 3 h 33 min.  It was nearly five hours through the mountains. Of course it was raining hard on the Virginia side, but we left the Shenandoah around 4 and didn’t make it to the lodge until almost 9. That was with only one stop for gas and a bathroom, and another for a bathroom and diet Coke. Fortunately Kris had called ahead and the lodge had a pizza ready, because there aren’t many other restaurants nearby, and the nearest grocery was 40 miles away.

Food desert. A rural food desert.

Man it was a pretty road. Man I’m glad the phone didn’t die before we got there, because we would never have made it. Man I’m glad we had a paper map. Man that pizza was good.

We told our guide in Virginia we were going to the Elk River and he said it was known for its hatches. Now I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a hatch, so I was kind of excited in an abstract way. I like the notion of a hatch, though I’m not certain I’d know what to do with one. When we got there though we were told that because of the late April freeze the hatches were thrown off. There had yet to be hatches this spring.

“This time of night you should be walking through bugs,” we were told. There were no bugs. I’m pretty certain that hatches are a lot like snipe hunts.

Even without bugs the lodge was great. There was pizza, and we’d bought some West Virginia beer at the last stop. The rooms all had themes, and ours was NASCAR. I was kind of hoping for Hippy, but you can’t beat NASCAR.  Next door to NASCAR was Harley-Davidson.

Actually, this was the most elegant lodge I’d ever stayed in. Our room had its own washer-drier. Do you know how terrific that is after a few days fishing? It’s beyond terrific. It’s elegant.

After breakfast the next morning—biscuits and sausage gravy for me, and it was good—we met our guide, Randall Burns, in the fly shop. It’s a fine fly shop, with enough stuff to keep any fly fisher happy exploring. We fished the morning on the Elk. Kris caught the first fish then disappeared. I caught four nice trout, all rainbows, on squirmy worms. Randall said the bottom of his net was 20 inches.  Ok, maybe he said 12 inches, but 20 is my story and I’m sticking to it. These were nice trout, some stocked, some wild.  I think Randall said it had been a few months since they’d last stocked.

So far Randall has had two occupations: he’s guided for trout in Virginia and West Virginia, and he’s been a Navy Seal.  Randall looks like a Navy Seal. He served in Iraq and Afghanistan. Randall is a pretty terse, reserved kind of guy, so mostly I fished and he watched. He switched flies, he taught patience (which is a lesson I badly need), and he told me what to look for.

Meantime Kris disappeared and it worried us. We kept looking for her to return to fish, but here’s what you have to know about Kris: She’s not a great caster, she has never quite figured out what all that tippet stuff means, and I’m not sure she knows the difference between a trout fly and a bass fly, but she ain’t into easy, and the Elk is kind of an easy river.  I was having fun. I was hooking fish and after the first fish threw the hook I asked Randall if I was trying to play  the fish too fast. He said yes, I slowed down, and  I didn’t lose another.  I got to practice landing fish in a river. The Elk River at Elk Springs Resort is a great place to catch fish, maybe as good as it gets, and if there had been hatches–if hatches aren’t some Yankee prank played on gullible Texans–I never would have strayed. If someone asked me “where should I go to learn to catch trout,” or just “where should I go to catch some trout,” I’d say the Elk is a mighty fine choice.  It is a prolific bit of river. But Kris was done after her first fish. She was the same way, by the way, on the San Juan in New Mexico. I dread our trip to the Green in Utah, or back to the San Juan, or for heaven’s sake Alaska. The Elk is a place you are certain to catch big rainbows, some stocked and some wild, and you will catch plenty o’ fish. Nice fish.

But Kris and Randall were conspiring.

At lunch Kris and Randall announced we were going that afternoon to the lodge’s Point Mountain Wilderness property to fish for brook trout. Wild Appalachian brook trout.

If you look at that photo carefully, there’s a seam of coal in the ledge above the water, black in the rock. The property is the site of a shuttered and reclaimed underground coal mine: not surface mining mind, but tunnel. It’s a beautiful property. We caught nothing in the pond but I would have loved a float tube.

From the pool we watched a small black bear, maybe 200 pounds and a quarter of a mile away, rooting for food at the edge of the trees. Randall said that there was a problem keeping poachers off the property because black bear gall bladder sells in Asia for as much as $5,000.

We left the pond and drove up and around and down the mountain where we fished in a tiny stream with stimulators for brook trout.  I caught two, the largest bright and colorful and maybe 6 inches, ok 5, but I utterly failed with photos of the fish. Kris, who caught no brookies, was happy as she could be. I was happy. I think Randall was happy.

On the way back from the stream we stopped to watch a flock of wild turkey. There can’t be places prettier than West Virginia.