Florida Bay near Key West is beautiful, and in February we had the flats to ourselves. Miles of brilliant blue and green clear water, mangrove islands, three-foot sharks and 30-pound turtles and lurking barracuda and porpoising porpoises. Away in the west over the calm green and blue we could see the distant Marquesas, and behind us almost distant Key West. There was blue sky and white clouds and it was a very gentle 80 degrees.
Of course we had Florida Bay to ourselves because in February Key West is full of Midwestern drinking folk who are busy drinking, not fishing. Gauging by the number of bars per square mile it’s full of drinking folk year round, but other times of the year there might also be fly anglers. Probably drinking fly anglers, recounting tales of their fabulous Key West fish over rum drinks garnished with umbrellas. There are plenty of rum drinks in February but there aren’t any fly anglers because in February there aren’t any fish, fabulous or no.
Let me change that. There weren’t any target fish on the day we were on the water. I’m sure every other day in February there are all sorts of fish. Bonefish. Permit. Tarpon. Arctic char. Crappie. Sunfish. Giant trevaly and channel cats. One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish. You name it, any day we’re not on the water the fish are there in spades and they’ve brought their friends. You’d better bring your three weight and eight weight and 12 and both of your Spey rods, and some golf clubs and do some pushups, because you’re going to be casting and fighting fish with all of them all day long. But not on February 7 when we were on the water.
Andrew Asher was our guide, and besides having a name that sounds like a British film star he has the best guiding voice ever. In another life he will have a British accent and be the voice of the BBC. But Andrew is a guide and he’s a good guide and he knows about fish and water and the grace it takes to guide well. There. I got in my statutorily required Hemingway imitation.
Andrew did a great job. He ran a Maverick skiff with a 115 hp engine that ran easily from flat to flat at 40. He sat us up with the wind and the sun and I trusted that he saw what was there, even when we didn’t see it. He knew enough to say “fish at two o’clock,” pause while I looked left and then calmly follow with “fish at two o’clock on the right.” Then we would decide it was something he called a box fish which is apparently a kind of puffer, and I’d cast to that for a while and it would ignore me until it meandered off.
He and Kris pretty much agreed on politics though, which meant I didn’t have to worry about getting thrown off the boat.
Zane Grey said that he, Zane Grey, not Andrew Asher, was a hard-luck angler, and I think about that a lot, whether there’s just something about me that makes me unlucky at fish. I’ve been so lucky in most of my life. My career has been fortunate and meaningful, our children are grown and are good people with real jobs, and Kris likes to fly fish and seems to like me. We now own a Chihuahua. But on February 7 there were no fish near Key West. Maybe things balance out, and I deserve some fish misfortune for being the recipient of so many good things.
Late in the day Andrew suggested I cast to barracuda. I was not a natural. My attempt at casting was awkward and embarrassing, and I put a wind knot in a 40 pound wire leader. I think I amazed Andrew, who as a guide should be inured to client stupidity, but there you are: when it comes to casting I can be amazing. I certainly amazed myself.
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As of the 2010 census, Monroe County had 73,090 residents, of which 25,478 lived in its county seat, Key West. The population is about 85 percent white folk.
By the 1760s, the Native Americans, the Tequesta or the Calusa or both, were gone from the Keys, and Key West was transferred from the Spanish to the British. In 1821, back in the hands of the Spanish, Florida was ceded by Spain to the US. In an early act of piracy (or at least real estate development) the owner of Key West, a Spanish artillery officer, sold it first for about $525 to a former South Carolina governor and then sold it a second time to John Simonton for $2000. After some string pulling Simonton ended up with it, and streets in Key West bear the names of Simonton and his cronies. When the island sold there were no permanent residents. By 1830 there were 517 residents, by 1880 there were 9,800, by 1910 there were 19,945.
Key West’s first industry was pirating, which after naval intervention (the first significant U.S. presence in the Keys) was replaced by marine scavengers (the surrounding coral reefs being an excellent provider of scavenge), smuggling (including slaves before the Civil War, rum during Prohibition, drugs during the 70s, and whatever is now the going concern), fishing, sponges, and finally, after Monroe County had become one of the poorest counties in the nation during the Great Depression (“They’re living on fish and coconuts”), tourism and real estate. It was first connected to the mainland in 1912 by Henry Flagler’s overseas train, which blew away in the 1935 hurricane, and which was replaced by the Overseas Highway. U.S. 1 runs all the way from Maine down the Atlantic Coast, and as much as anything we went to Key West to drive the Overseas Highway.
In 2016, Monroe County voted for President Trump, but the Key West part of Monroe County voted for Hillary Clinton. It wasn’t really close, Trump took the county by 54 percent, and I imagined I could see the dichotomy between the county and its county seat on the drive: the approach down the county through harder or at least more suburban living, where most contact with government is seen as an intrusion, a burden, and where there is a perceived unfairness in the distribution of all good things derived from the burdens imposed. In Key West there was greater affluence, education, urban living. Key West looks Democratic.
In 2018 the vote for governor was also Republican but very close, and Monroe County went Republican 49.59 percent to 49.18. Darcy Richardson of the Reform Party tipped the county Republican by taking 0.57 percent. It didn’t make much difference in the big scheme, but Darcy Richardson is one of those proofs that every politician thinks they’re special and that they can win, even when they’re not and they can’t.
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I really had high hopes for some memorable sights in Key West. From what I’d read it’s nigh on the most decadent place on earth, more decadent than San Francisco during the Summer of Love or Bourbon Street on the night before Lent or Las Vegas on a day that ends with a “y” or even Kansas City during revivals of the musical Oklahoma!. Maybe it’s that tropical lushness that confuses Midwesterners. I guess I’ve lived in a warm wet big city for too long, ’cause it all seemed rather tame to me. Maybe the decadence migrates in with the tarpon and the fly fishers later in the spring.
We didn’t see any memorable decadence. We hung out our first night in a nice wine bar with our new friends Mike and Bill from Michigan. We discussed politics, their house in Ft. Lauderdale and their home in Michigan and ours in Houston, places to eat, and some more politics. We talked about Bill’s work to create the River Raisin National Battlefield Park, and the Recent Republican Troubles. And then we talked some more about politics. They bought us wine, and we owe them some wine and hope someday we get to repay. I also told them the long complicated story about the steelhead fly I tied from the ostrich feather I was given at the Pride Parade and on which I caught my steelhead. I’m very proud of that fly. They politely listened, for which I’m grateful.
On night two we ate at Sole, while on Duval Street the snowbirds drank and a gregarious drag queen invited folk into a bar. We talked to a Canadian couple who obsessively followed horse racing. Lexington and Sarasota they said were prime destinations, but the Kentucky Derby is nothing but an excuse for dilettantes to drink and wear hats. There was some anger there.
Later at a different bar a woman from Pella, Iowa, had drunk too many rum painkillers and felt strongly (if very politely in an Iowan way) that I should be drinking them too. Neither she nor her husband could tell me anything about trout fishing the Iowa Driftless Region, and seemed surprised any one would want to go to Iowa to fish. Who doesn’t want to go to Iowa to fish? Iowa is heaven.
At 9 at night everyone was friendly and talkative and lubricated and if you just stood around long enough you’d find people to talk to, just like a giant cocktail party. It seemed to me that Key West was all-in-all pretty tasteful and pretty tame, though there were plenty of tacky t-shirts.
Andrew the Guide told us that he lived near Duval but for him it was rarely a destination, and when on the rare occasions he went to the bars he left long before midnight. He said that ’round midnight things on Duval changed, and that the drunks came out of the bars to punch each other and so forth. I guess we missed it. Maybe the horse racing aficionado found a Kentucky Derby fan to punch. Maybe the Iowa lady passed out on rum painkillers. Maybe somewhere near Sloppy Joe’s a tipsy Wallace Stevens threw a punch at Ernest Hemingway and Ernest Hemingway knocked him down. I guess I’ll have to wait until next time and stay awake until midnight. Even better, maybe we can find Mike and Bill and buy a bottle of wine.
