Smoked Flies

Today we’re fishing the White River at Branson, Missouri, but this month I’m also going to Cuba. I’ll stay and eat in Cuban homes, and talk to Cubans—I know how to ask where the library is in Spanish–but I’ll also fish for bonefish. And tarpon. And permit.

If you haven’t kept up, it got easier for Americans to travel to Cuba under President Obama, and then as one of his final acts, Mr. Trump reimposed Cuba travel restrictions. Some folks think that reimposing restrictions was a callously political act to drum up Cuban conservative support in Florida, but I can’t imagine that any politician could be so self-serving.

Kris isn’t going. I explained to her that Cuba was almost an American state once, before the Civil War. She didn’t care, there’s no star for Cuba on our flag, even if Yuli Gurriel and Yordan Álvarez are two of her favorite baseball players, and going to Cuba gets us no closer to our goal of all 50 states. I’m on my own.

There are forms to fill out, and questions to be answered. Most of all though, you have to prepare your kit. You can’t depend on having anything ready to hand when you get there. You can’t go to the fly shop for some flies, or tippet, or to replace anything that breaks. You can’t even go to the drug store for aspirin. You have to haul everything there, except for black beans and rice, rum, and cigars. I guess I’ll be living on black beans and rice, rum, and cigars. Dang.

Cuban food is kind of bland though, so I’m taking a bottle of hot sauce. You can’t be too prepared.

From top to bottom, that’s a fuzzy yellowish bonefish fly, and a fuzzy shiny bonefish fly.

Anyway, I’ve been tying lots of flies for Cuba, and it occurred to me that while it’s considered bad form to add scent to flies–you can’t in good conscience dab a bit of stink bait behind a fly’s ears–there is at least one scent I wouldn’t have to add, exactly. I’d just have to get the fly into the correct vicinity.

What could be better than barbecued flies?

As you know, every Texan is born smoking meat. Even if you’re a vegetarian Texan, you’re born smoking tofu. To preserve my cultural heritage I have to smoke at least 10 pounds of brisket every week, and at least a few racks of ribs and some sausage. Only then can I go to the gun range. Why not bring my fly-tying and smoking together?

My first smoked flies were bonefish flies smoked with bacon. I used hickory as the wood. I cured the bacon for 10 days, in a dredge of salt, brown sugar, sodium nitrite, and maple syrup, then brought the internal temperature up to 145 or so. The bacon is delicious. I’m sure the bonefish will find the flies equally tasty.

From top to bottom, that’s a fuzzy brown bonefish fly, and a fuzzy pink bonefish fly, both now flavored with hickory and bacon!

After the bonefish flies, I figured I needed some big flies for tarpon, and that means big meat, and that means brisket. There’s nothing better than smoked brisket, and Texans learn to smoke brisket before they learn how to vote Republican.

I perfected my brisket cooking at Camp Brisket at Texas A&M. Here is everything I know about cooking brisket:

  • The single most important factor in good brisket is the grade of meat. Prime wins every time, and Costco carries good prime briskets. Wagyu doesn’t seem to hold up under the long cook, and choice is just a bit tough.
  • Hickory is the favorite wood for brisket, with pecan a close second, and then oak. Surprisingly, despite its bad rep among aficionados, mesquite is pretty good too.
  • Trim the fat cap down to about a quarter-inch. Apparently it doesn’t add any moisture to leave it on, and it retards absorption of the seasoning. Plus there’s a lot of fat on a brisket, and a one inch fat cap is kind of disgusting.
  • À la Louie Mueller, the seasoning of choice for brisket is half salt and half pepper. I think it takes about a cup, so half a cup of salt, and half a cup of pepper. I put on the seasoning, then let the brisket sit in the fridge for at least 12 hours.
  • The smoker temperature must be low: 200, 225, 250. It will take about 12 hours to cook a 12-pound brisket. If you’re serving brisket at 3 pm, plan to start cooking about 1 am.
  • The meat stops taking smoke flavor around 145 degrees. You could finish the brisket in the oven after that, and it probably wouldn’t change the flavor, but that would be wrong. It’s not smoked brisket if it’s cooked in the oven.
  • The smoke ring has nothing to do with smoke.
  • The brisket will stop cooking–in the vernacular, it will stall–at around 160 degrees, and that’s when you wrap the meat to get it started again. Wrapping in foil makes the brisket mushy. It needs to be wrapped in pink butcher paper and put it back on the smoker, presumably because pink is a complimentary color, and I don’t think anyone makes blue butcher paper. Don’t take the brisket off again until it reaches an internal temperature of 200-210.
  • The brisket needs to rest for an hour or so after you take it off.
  • There is an optimal way to slice the brisket, involving slicing the flat and then turning it to slice the point. At Camp Brisket, Aaron Franklin demonstrated proper slicing, and from the attendees’ yearning you would have thought it was 1960 and Brigitte Bardot was strolling the beach at Saint-Tropez. For a long time there was a video on the internet of Franklin slicing brisket at our camp, but I can’t find it anymore. It was probably drowned in the tears of awe.

From left to right, that’s a black and red tarpon fly, a brown-ish tarpon fly, and a purple and orange tarpon fly, and all of them are now guaranteed to catch tarpon. The professors at A&M recommended a maroon and white fly, but then they would.

Kris said this looked unsanitary, but I think a good dose of saltwater will kill anything that might harm the tarpon.

The final Cuban fish is permit, the holy grail of saltwater fly fishing. For permit I needed something really special. Crab flies are the fly of choice, but I was concerned that the rubber legs on my permit flies would melt, and melted rubber legs might make the meat stringy. I decided I’d smoke the permit flies when I smoked salmon.

Unlike brisket and bacon, salmon is cold smoked. Over the years I’ve developed an extremely sophisticated cold smoking apparatus. It’s good for salmon. It’s also pretty good for Velveta to make smoked queso. Queso, by the way, is Spanish for cheese, but it’s also Tex-Mex for a slab of Velveta melted with a can of Rotel tomatoes, and is served along with salsa for dipping tortilla chips. It can get more complicated than Velveta and Rotel, and our friend Lisa Fain has a whole book on Queso variations, but it’s a basic food group for Tex-Mex, and non-fattening when eaten with chips.

It’s not the smoke, by the way, that preserves raw salmon. To preserve the salmon you have to cure it. My cure is salt, brown sugar, lemon zest, and most important, sodium nitrite, pink salt, to prevent botulism. I did not add sodium nitrite to the flies. After all, exposure can be harmful, and I don’t want to do anything to hurt the fish.

Salmon also needs to have been frozen to kill parasites, but unless you’re standing by a salmon river or your fishmonger has in-season fresh salmon shipped from Alaska, your wild salmon is likely to have been frozen. Otherwise it’d smell a bit ripe. If it’s farmed salmon, and you’re not sure if it’s been frozen, I reckon it could be frozen before or after smoking.

I brine my salmon in iced salt water for an hour or so, then dredge it in the cure. After 48 hours in the fridge under the weight of a couple of six-packs, I wash off the cure and give the salmon a series of water baths. About 45 minutes total is enough to tone down the salt, but I change out the water a couple of times. The salmon dries in the fridge for 24 hours, then gets smoked for four hours with apple wood.

Since there’s only the cure and no heat to protect the meat, I tend not to smoke salmon during a Houston summer.

I originally took my salmon and bacon recipes from Michael Ruhlman and Bryan Polcyn’s Charcuterie, but I really like how this guy does salmon. On the recommendation of my friend Tom, I may try black tea in the cure next time, and the permit might like that better. Smoked salmon is best eaten with the classic Texas combination of lox on a bagel, cream cheese, red onions, and capers, all rolled together in cornmeal and fried.

From top to bottom, that’s a crab fly, and then a crab fly, and then another crab fly. The yellow stuff is some Velveta for queso.

Fly Fishing for Cats

Pound for pound, the most vicious predator in our household.

Everyone’s heard of catfishing, especially here in the South. Not many people know though how superior fly fishing for cats is when compared to conventional tackle. I have to admit, until this year I had never taken up cat fishing. I had plenty of excuses: I didn’t have the right gear; I didn’t know where to go; I didn’t know how.

Early in the pandemic, I spent a lot of time fishing local bass ponds, and on one of our trips a dumped kitten came out of the barn. We tried to catch it but my 7 weight wasn’t up to the task. We finally returned with a can of cat food. There I was, an accomplished fly angler, reduced to fishing bait.

Sight casting on a local cat flat.

This year I finally invested in serious equipment for cat fly fishing, and I have to say, while it works like a charm, it’s really not up to the challenge of fighting big cats. For all the money Orvis makes on its cat beds and annual cat catalogue, you’d think that they could come up with more durable catfishing gear. And Orvis isn’t alone. All of the manufacturers need to go back to the drawing board.

You don’t need a hook for cats. The lines are fluorescent green, and the leaders another few feet of level white or fluorescent orange. Cats will attack the line and leader from as far away as 10 feet, so you don’t need to cast all that well, though the retrieve can be critical. It’s a little bit like the whole discredited business of fishing for gar with shredded nylon rope. You tangle the cat up in the line and then you land them with a net.

If you can get close enough, dapping works well. For catch and release, be careful to spend as little time as possible with the cat in the water.

Here’s my first complaint with the manufacturers: the lines and leaders, which are braided polyester yarn, don’t last. These are toothy critters. I doubt that our first leader lasted more than a week before it was shredded and swept up by the Roomba. The line was destroyed within a month. Maybe wire leader would work? Maybe the line could be made out of Kevlar?

You’d think that the manufacturers would know that house cats are vicious predators, and that they represent a challenge to the very best equipment. Tooth and claw, pound for pound, the typical house cat can do more damage than a barracuda. Just look at our couch. A barracuda never did that to our couch.

A follow!

And cat rods are very specialized. A lot of cat fishing is done indoors, so the standard 9-foot rod doesn’t work unless your indoors is bigger than ours. The specialty cat rods are short and whippet thin to achieve a decent cast, and that means there’s no room for a fighting butt. They cast great, but they’re wholly inadequate for fighting and playing the target species. When it hits, a cat can destroy even the best rods. It’s heartbreaking to see a valuable Orvis Helios 3 cat rod shatter after a violent take.

A new Scientific Anglers rig.

We’ve used Scientific Anglers cat rods as well, and are on our second SA rig. The first was just as much a failure as the Helios. Within a month the tip had broken and the line was shredded. You want to know something odd? I could swear that the SA line is exactly the same as the Orvis line. It’s like they colluded or something. If I knew any antitrust lawyers, I’d feel obligated to let them know.

A refusal.

Still, I’m sure Orvis will honor it’s 25-year guarantee on the rod, and I’ve got to say, there’s just nothing more fun than cat fishing. If the conditions are right, I can even roll cast to a cat from my bed before I go to sleep at night, though I haven’t been able to land one yet. I think I need to keep a landing net on my bedside table. When this whole catching a fish in every state thing is done, I may have to go back to every state to catch a cat.

Dogs, by the way, aren’t nearly as good of prey as cats. You can put the fly right on the dog’s nose and they only look at you perplexed. My dogs look at me perplexed a lot.

A take! Cat on!

Call me in Kansas

Former Kansas Governor Sam Brownback measuring a Kansas bluegill.

I started work at my law firm on June 1, 1984, and I’ve been there ever since. I don’t know how long exactly that is, it’s now April 2020 and I’ve run out of fingers and toes for counting. It’s a pretty long time. I bet I’ve practiced law more than I’ve done anything else except sleeping and being married to Kris. I guess over 60-odd years I’ve slept more than I’ve practiced law, but mostly I’ve managed to keep the two separate for a proper work-sleep balance. I’m a good lawyer. I’m also good at sleeping. As for being married to Kris, I guess I must be perfect. She hasn’t bothered marrying anybody else during that time.

Me practicing law at my English law firm. Henry VIII never showed.

Stuck at home during the pandemic I’ve had time to take stock, and I’ve decided it’s time to chuck lawyering. It’s time for a new challenge, something where I can make some real money. I’ve decided to quit practicing law and hang out my shingle as a fly fishing guide. 

Me not practicing law.

I’ve fished with a lot of guides, and one thing I’ve realized is that money-wise fly fish guiding must be about the best thing going, better than lawyering, better than just about anything that doesn’t involve trust funds and inherited wealth. Think about it. Fly fishing guides work hard.  Everywhere except Florida guides have to make lunch. They have to get up early and go to bed late.  They have to have a general notion of where they are, even when it’s foggy. Most of all they have to put up with extraordinary anglers like me, who know that my failure to catch fish has nothing to do with my skill, and that my failure is their fault.  

Guides could only put up with that sort of stuff for the money. Lots of money. More money than just about anything short of hedge fund management, and I bet these days even hedge fund managers are sucking air. Those fishing guides are out there getting rich while we’re sitting in our office on the phone and reading emails. Do you know how many emails I get most days, and how many of them are asking me questions that take work to answer? Chuck it. Like I said, fish guiding must be about the best thing going.

Where will I be guiding? That’s been a tough question.  I thought about here in Houston, but I’d hate to take all the business from local guides; I thought about trout country, but I don’t really like the cold; and fishing guides in the Florida Keys always get shot and die.   Nothing hooked me until I thought of Kansas.

Kansas.

A fly for Kansas bluegill.

If you’ve fished much you know some fly fisher who’s been to Patagonia for sea-run browns, or to Mongolia for Taimen, or to the Farquahar Atoll for whatever’s on the Farquahar Atoll. But think about it: how many anglers do you know who have made a special trip to Kansas? It’s the last fishing wilderness, the last of the world’s exotic destination fisheries.

There is not a single fly-fishing guide in Kansas, so I sense real opportunity. Since I’m an expert on supply-side economics, I know that consumption follows supply. If I produce the goods in Kansas, consumers will be there to buy them. All I have to do is show up with a truck and a boat and a couple of rigged fly rods and after that it’s all gelt, wampum, moolah, and a life of ease. Plus Kansas is far from the rising seas so I don’t have to worry about global warming. It’s already got enough tornadoes and dust storms and drought and hail and locusts that changing weather patterns can only be to its benefit. Like they said in that movie about that Kansas corn field, if you build it, they will come.

Kansas. 

A Kansas longear sunfish.

Of course I’ll have to start rooting for the Chiefs, but that’s easy since they just won the Super Bowl for the good people of Kansas. 

What will I guide for? Apparently Kansas has a spectacular sunfish fishery.  Kansas sunfishing may be better than sunfishing in the Amazon Basin or Kamchatka. It’s not very well known, but I’ve been told it’s legendary. You can talk about your Caribbean permit, or your Florida tarpon. You can talk about Olympic Peninsula steelhead or Alaska salmon or Pyramid Lake cutthroat. None of those hold a candle to Kansas bluegill. Bluegill in the 20-pound range are common, and the longears . . . You should have been here two days ago.

See? I’m practicing my guiding.

I’ve been working on my Kansas sunfish leaders: they involve 40 pound butt sections and 60 pound bite tippet, and are 14 feet long because of the bluegills legendary skittishness. They’re strung together with Bimini twists and blood knots and huffnagles and some spare links of an iron chain I found in the garage. I originally thought 9 weight rods would be the very thing, but now I’m thinking 11 weights? From what this guy I know told me we’re talking big game here. These are powerful bluegill that always run you into your backing. Any reels without heavy duty saltwater drags are worthless.

Our new house in Elmdale.

I haven’t told Kris about my plans yet, but I have bought a house in Kansas, in Elmdale. I bought it online, and from the pictures it may need a little work. Whatever, I know she’ll be thrilled, and Elmdale ought to be remote enough for these troubled days. The guy who sold me the house said that of course there were fish near Elmdale. He reminded me that the whole area was once an inland sea. I paid his asking price, which was very reasonable, not too much more than what houses go for in my neighborhood, and with plenty of character. This is going to be so popular that I think I may go with the Florida model and let clients bring their own lunch. Apparently there’s no grocery store in Elmdale, so bringing lunch from Wichita probably works best anyway. It’s only 70 miles.

I’ve let the major manufacturers know I’m available for their pro staffs, and I’m waiting to hear from them. I think the Abel series of Kansas sunfish reels are pretty nifty, and I’m trying to decide whether the new Orvis Recons will be sufficient or if I need Helios 3s. You can’t skimp when you’re chasing Kansas bluegill.

When you’re ready to fish Kansas, inquire within. We’ll be on Main Street in Elmdale.

On the edge of the inland sea with a typical Kansas bluegill. Photo courtesy of Nick Denbow, Western Caribbean Fly Fishing School.

Pyramid Lake Ladders

Pyramid Lake Needles, seabamirum, Creative Commons license.

Since in a couple of weeks we’re fishing for Lahontan Cutthroats at Pyramid Lake with Casey Gipson, I’ve been debating whether to buy ladders for the trip. I know that we could use Casey’s, but like a lot of fly fishers I’m a gear head, and I think I could find all sorts of applications for a ladder even if we never fished Pyramid again. It just seems like a good use of our money.

Ted Williams Signature fishing ladder, Sears Catalogue at 212, Fall 1967, Swanson, Dick, photographer, National Archives, https://catalog.archives.gov/id/549962. White pelican fly-overs are a problem at Pyramid Lake.

Of course all the major manufacturers make ladders, and Kris and I have spent a lot of time at our local fly shops trying to decide which ladders are right for us. We are really good at agreeing on the big stuff, but the devil is in the details. For instance, Kris likes Orvis rods and so do I, but I generally like Winston for freshwater or G. Loomis for salt a little better. Kris likes lightweight reels, but I prefer Tibor because they’re bombproof or Hardy English-made reels because they’re classy. She likes Simms waders, I like Patagonia. Anyway, if you’ve used any of the ladders in the market, I’d appreciate your thoughts. Following are the ones we’ve looked at.

Tenkara Ladders demonstrated by Japanese anglers, Popular Mechanics at 519, April 1907.

While I’m at it, does anyone have any advice on carrying a ladder on a plane? Do they fit in the overhead? I’m disappointed that only the Loomis Asquith comes with a ladder case. Maybe I’ll wait until we get to Reno and buy from Reno Flyshop. They have a lot of good information online.

Fishpond

RodMob, Angler fishing for Lahontan Cutthroat Trout, Pyramid Lake, Nevada, 2014, https://www.flickr.com/photos/rodmob/12607378375/sizes/o/, Creative Commons attribution with limitations. https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/

The guy in the picture above is the kind of angler who gives fly fishing its reputation for effete commercial excess, decked out as he is from head to toe in the newest Simms River Camo–who knew that camo would be a thing for fly fishing? In my opinion he’s all style, no substance, but I can’t argue with his choice of ladder. Fishpond makes a range of high-tech carbon fiber ladders that are not only functional, but you can’t argue with their good looks. There’s also a ton of available attachable accessories, including rod holders, bottle holders, floatant clips, net clips, shoulder straps, beer can holders, tippet holders, fly patches, bottle openers, ladder tethers, solar panels, and lip balm. $625 as shown (without accessories).

Thomas & Thomas

Dr. Thamizhipparithi Maari, Ladder Shop, Wikimedia Commons.

I’ve got a couple of Thomas & Thomas graphite rods, a 10′ 4 wt Avantt and an old saltwater 8 wt, and my friend Mark Marmon is on their pro staff. They’re better known on the East Coast than in the West, but they’ve really made a name for themselves with their traditional bamboo ladders. I’ve never climbed bamboo, but the aesthetics and craftsmanship are the highest I’ve seen. I’d love to own one of these. $3,750.

Winston

Ladder Stile, Wikimedia Commons.

Nothing gives rise to thoughts of Western trout fishing like Winston rods, and I’ve used them happily for years. They’re beautiful, and the Winston feel is special. I like casting Winston, and I’m guessing that I’d happily climb their ladders. I particularly like the engraved nickel silver ladder feet with the burl wood spacers. Beautiful. $875.

Temple Fork Outfitters

Wikimedia Commons.

By manufacturing its ladders in South Korea, the TFO ladders are exceptionally well made and functional at an excellent price point. They’re good-climbing ladders too, and if you’re not hung up on American manufacture, price gives them a rung up on the competition. $399.99.

Abel

Edward Muybridge, Animal locomotion: an electro-photographic investigation of consecutive phases of animal movements. 1872-1885, plate 110

There’s always something kind of sexy about Abel aesthetics, and you can’t argue with Abel function. If you want to climb up and down a ladder, Abel lets you do it with style and confidence. Abel is expensive though, and if you get a custom anodized ladder like the one in the picture, prices start to get into bamboo territory. The ladder shown is milled from aircraft grade aluminum with a wood-pattern custom anodized finish, with matching pliers, nippers, and zinger available. $2555. Also available in Montana Brown, Native Tarpon, and Rasta Fade custom finishes, or standard solid or custom satin colors.

Orvis

Marcel Duchamp, Nude Descending a Staircase No. 2, 1912, Philadelphia Museum of Art,

I was in the Orvis Houston store when a customer said that he had purchased one of every size of Helios 3D rod made, from size four to 12, plus the Helios Tenkara rod. I think Kris would be happy with that, and I love to cast her rods. I’m sure the Helios 3C ladders are excellent, both for climbing and descending, and I’m sure that no ladder is more accurate. I kinda like the modern look of the Helios 3 ladder too, though I know it’s been controversial. $950.

G. Loomis Asquith

Niwaki Tripod Ladder, https://www.niwaki.com/store/tripod-ladders/

I don’t like the feel of the lighter weight Loomis Asquiths, but I really like the heavier rods, 7 weight and above. Because they are shipped to Japan for attachment of Shimano’s proprietary Spiral X rails, the price of Asquith ladders is a good bit higher than other comparable ladders. Still, they work so well it may be worth it. I don’t think the aesthetics are particularly good, and the little flecks of color remind me of bowling balls and bass boats, but they sure perform. I’m certain this is the last ladder I would ever buy, and that it’s a way better ladder than I am a climber. $1100.

As a side note, Asquith rods are named after the top step on stepladders, which is properly referred to as the ladder’s asquith.

From Die Gartenlaube (1873), Wikimedia Commons. Note that the angler is wearing a Fishpond Eddy Hat and Fishpond Flint Hills Vest. His guide is handing him the Fishpond Donner Pass Umbrella.